The faults in us..

I know when i am writing , numerous articles are already written on this and inexplicable tears fell silently on the golden pages of the book “The fault in our stars” by john Green.From my point of view,that one book can give diffirent lights to various readers,as whatever we read and when we read we attach our heart and our own stars to it,then it became without our control,a story of our own.

 Like Augustus waters and Hazel Grace there are so many others,some love stories we may never know,how unfair sometimes almighty seems,but how greatful he is to give us a life,sooner or later we all would turn into ashes,with this ashes in the sephulchre who would care about our love,happiness,grief,dream,our small pleasures,will also die with us.I am not gonna shout the “Carpe Diem” theme in this or seize the moment.I guess for me it is the the other way round.Once in a lifetime,there are some moments which seizes us,like when the first time Augustus confessed his feeling to Hazel,even the moment when in an empty church Hazel let her funeral speech gave infront of her only infinite,Augustus. We can’t stop our loved ones from dying,or to be aware of our death date.Even on the last day when we are dying,we may be completely unaware that our breaths are going to stop. I am not going to advise you on ‘How to live withour regrets or without being hurt’,cause it is impossible to live without this,if we have a life,there will be a diffirent colours of rainbow attached to our wings,some may shine the brightest and some part may be dull,but after all every feathers shape us,akin to every cell structure our body,just like that.As the author implied that there might be not so many people who will know us,but it is such a previllage to love,and to madly,crazily,and unforgettably loved by someone.We all want to be remembered, to the ‘greatest’ world to inclined ere our name,have you ever thought that even the greatest persons that lived down in History,however people did numerous research on how their behaviours was,but no body could take a dip in their hearts,they may have been admired by lots of persons but loved by only few and loved deeply only few.we are so busy,so depressed,so lonely,often hate life.But what about those who counts every breath as the another moment to breath this air,touch the sky,and roamed their feet through grass of our world.we blame the whole world for our unhappiness,we let every problem irritate us,we let every grude hold tightly to us,we let our love silently burn in us, we let so many things to us.

Can we not let go,whatever we convince ourself, There is always and always fault is in us.

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Crashing of the souls:part 5

Have i been too sleepy?Bright light flashing from the windowpane dazzeled me eyes for an mintue.I can’t reconstruct in my mind that renting a hotel room,and what the hell i am wearing,the dress is long flowy sky coloured gown,and then i scrutinised the whole room very distinctly,it is an ancient architecture,like those in the early 18th century homes.Am i drunk?I shaked my head with full consummate energy

What is happening to me?

Still recovering from this mixed feelings about my very exsistence,i heard a soft knock on the door,which is huge in bulk i must say.A aristocratic lady appeared before me,She gazed me as if she knew me,she is wearing a strange hat

“I have been calling you for such a long time,dear charlotte,Is something strange occured in your vision,you seem vaugely lost?The lady without even one pause said to me.

“Where am i?Where is this place?Oh shit!I am supposed be in the Rohainia cafe, I have a meeting with shu(My best friend),Have i been kidnapped?I should have watch those bear grills survival show instead of watching Rom coms,listen i don’t have any money and oh my god!where is my mobile?she almost put an end to my blabbering.

She said, “You are in an emergency need of a fine cup of tea,”She talked to me like she knew me (almost).

“Charlotte,it resembles a royal name,not a person like me,you have not even researched about me before kidnapping,you don’t have any knowledge about this nasty work you are doing,such a shame!,can i please change this dress,it is so suffocating to breath in this gown,I need my pajamas,I hope you take good care of your customer”

With quite astonishing expression,she stared at me with her green yet curious eyes,she proceed herself to my direction,she sat on the bed,and holding my hand tightly but still with a humane touch,

“you are behaving like an frenzied woman,charlotte,why can’t you let him go?,Don’t go to the ball tonight,you would be more frantic, I heard from Miss Mozley of our neighbourhood that he is bringing his sister to the ball and his would be wife,”Her face reflects the sad moorish feeling, and her eyes full of sympathy for me.

“I am not charlotte,I am Aaratika Roy,can you please tell me what is the date?

“25th december,Merry Christmas sister,wish you a preposterous new year with full of hope and love”

“Merry christmas,”It is more of a formality to me,cause i am eager to solve this riddle “year,place?Tell me everything?”

“1893,Herdfordshire”

“Are you mocking me?It must be a prank,Shu,this is a very ridiculous idea,i know you are here,so you fine lady,I am in England while I am in Paris?Ha,what a joke!”I cried in disbelief.

“you are causing an unrecoverable headache to my mind,and What would i recieve to speak assumed things to you,I better send Mama to you,she would talk to you”and she stormed like a tornado and quickly vanished in the vast victorian era castle.

“What an unladylike behaviour you have indulging deeply into your self Charlotte?Lord almighty,what would i do with this maiden?”She exhale frustation from her facial and theoretical conversations,”Instead of preparing for tonight’s ball,you are wasting time here sleeping all day,Get up and dress yourself like an articulate English women with grace and virtue”she is an older lady,but hair tied in a weird bun,like you in those paintings of Ruskin.

“First of all I am not an English woman nor even parsian,I am an Indian women from India and what the hell is a ball?”

“charlotte, Don’t even dare to test my paitence,and what Indian women?,They are black,dirty and illiterate,not pearl coloured radience they have in their skin like us,and they don’t speak English also,they speak  Indian as i heard from My brother,who went to India last Month”She lend an air of proudness in her talk.”

“Racist!who told you that indians are illiterate and speak a language called ‘Indian’,our food is more high quality than your general knowledge,I don’t mean to disrespect you but you are disturbing me with your presence.”

During this feud between me and an another lady,I came across a large mirror, I almost shouted “who is this?This is not me”

I am representing a possesed woman right now,as gulping the hard reality that i am in the past,in some unknown English woman’s body,124 years reverse.

I continued to stare at my reflection,

Inner satan resonated a cunning laugh,

“Your christmas wish is granted,now honey, what an amusing ride it is going to be,right?”


A postcard to my special readers

Dear my readers,

I often render through my mind that how blessed i am to meet you guys.I am not wonderwoman or idealised replica of beauty,that’s when i first started writing it is always scary and exciting,I recall going to my wordpress every 1 hour to see even 1 people have remarked about my writing, It disappointed my heart every time i saw the notification box without the yellow sign.Then i realized i folded my hands to myself,then i let my hands open and devoted my heart to appreciating other writers,we all are same in this platform,hungry for just a little love & admiration.

At the end of the day i gain maybe many likes,but likes are inferior,when i come across your  comments,there is where i get my inspiration,a little believe & courage that whatever i am doing is making someone smile,someone can releate to me.We let our agony,happiness,fear,hope through our penned memoranda,our hearts go in our every emblamed thoughts and a little appreciation can fed those pages of writing the nourishment it demands.

Not all of you who are following me are actually following,i wonder this is a true blogging platform,not a facebook,snapchat or instagram,we firmly adore your thoughts,even when you criticise us that’s,also provide us numerous strength.

I request you,as a writer,maybe an terrible writer who stumble too much,to look at WordPress as a blogging platform,and appreciate the budding writers.

Regards

Neha.

 

The fleeting soul

Love,I can’t be with you in your tomorrow

You might fancy me in a white dress,veil and tiara

Walking in a isle,just resembling princesses from fables

You say,my feet look luminous without boots on the roads of the mountain

I make your world perfect

Hundred praises you have thrown to me

Millions to melt and flatter my heart

Still i can’t be with you,love

I am not the girl who will chant’I do’ in a firmament atmosphere

I am the sephulchre,the dangerous,horrifed frantic woman

I will make your heart drown in 400 feet waters and make you fly high above the horizons

I am not the suave,charming women

Just the opposite, a fallen angel

Who carries cavalier spirit in her very soul

You must not keep in a jar,I might not live a happy,fulfilling life

I might be deprived of family,Children and all comforts of life

I would be happy to accept an unexpected ending

A girl who filled the world with the fierceness of her wings

Love,I can’t be with you in your tomorrow

Cause i am not aware if there will be a tomorrow for me,

Adventerous souls live less,

But oh!how they live is worth everything.


Crashing of the souls part:4

24th december,2017

There are certain days which with every growing years condemn us with more dear memories.It has been nearly one month i have started going out with my boy,The one i came across in the library.It was not some kind of bollywood movie scene where the main protagonist’s hair floating in the air,they forgot where they are,the world around is illumined and they are lost in a land where inspite of being -40°c moving hips in a slight dress and the boy once again dancing with a saftety cardigan ofcourse.I was hoping that my first love should be diffirent than others,but it wasn’t.I promise we didn’t stare at each other for hours like Edward and Bella.In fact,I was indulged in his personality,After a decade later i found a person whom i could call my friend,a very precisely lovely companion.Our love story started in coffee shops to the crunch of the waffles,from the Eiffel tower to the art museums,picture gallaries,vintage shops.All was going well,since that unfateful day.I was going to pick him up from his work,I was so excited to give him a surprise as he was unaware of me coming.I neatly decorded my soul with a blue coloured maxi dress with white peonies printed on them.A small necklace i wore with unnumbered happy spirits hanging on my face and accompanied me through out my journey.There is always a problem when you have unruly frizzy hair which not want to bound in my head,always keep swinging up and down .After fighting with my straightner,Absoultely failing to do a decent makeup,I tied my hair in a bun,took up my bag and slide down in flats,Heels is not my best friends,as also flats,I can’t even walk in flats without stumbling here and there.I did a little tap dance on staircase while reaching the main to catch a taxi.I can’t contain my paitence to see him.

This christmas eve is going to be so signifiacnt with him.when i reach my destination,It was strange for him to not be  in the front bar serving waffles.I inquired about him,they said he is inside.I put my feets one after another in silence,I was rewarded by the side of him in balcony.But to my conscience,He is not alone standing in the veranda.I place my hands on my chest, covering my vision with the flowers i brought along with me.A question that my inner consciousness threw at me like a dagger,Is it the person you have travelled miles to visit once again?Such a cunning laugh resonate at me.

He is kissing with full intensity and passion with no care for the outer world.

I didn’t thought it would happen to me.what did i do to deserve this?I whispered with my eyes closed and went out of the bar,I am trying so hard to not be a mess, but without my consent the water spheres soaked my cheek.As i slowly walking in the steerts of paris,i glance at the happy faces with cherry like blush perishing their beauty,couples enjoying the parsian air with finger mingled with each other.In the midst of this romance fleeting in the air, It’s like god punished me before the day of christmas to have my lonely soul wandering into this enormous city.

I went back to my apartment and gave away the flowers to a homeless lady as a small christmas greetings. I stepped outside my bed and folded my arms and as watching the glided snows falling so magnificently,I offered a prayer to the almighty.

“Please take me to another era,where love is true and my heart could heal”

Who knows what the christmass going to bring for me.

Maybe much worse than today

And i turn off the lamp.


Battlefield 

Crwaling barefoot in the midst of destruction
Wounded with bullets,I lie down in the hope

That the god which created this universe will come in my rescue,

I can only see the impeccable night with sounds of guns blazing my ears forth with fear

All the vision i ever dreamt is now just a blurry tale

 Wanted to stand up,to refine this humanity,

Now is claded with bloods and death angels

I grasped to say a prayer to the almighty but all i can manage is a whisper

To save my family from those followers of you

Who cunningly murder us whispering your name,

Is it fair almighty to kill heavens in earth in the desire to reach the holy land of your blessed eternity?

Don’t you think,there are lots of deathbeds you have to experience ,you mortals!

You are gonna feel remorse one moment for us and then will go to the everyday maundane things,

You will talk about global warming,give suggestion to change our fates

Mindless lectures, debates about us

But do you really been on my place?

waiting for just a acre to bury my body in the earth 

Do you really been slept in the beds with horrors trembling your consciousness in the form of weapons?

You have everything and i have nothing,

Still you gave up on dreams which my fate snatched away for me

Complains about your life when millions of begging for one part of that happiness you have,

Nobody would wipe away tears

As there is no one left to felt the agony of my loss

I want to ask almighty,

Why my dreams are so unvalid? 

I just wished to fill up this world with the fragments of love and kindness

But it painted my heart with crimson red marks.




Crashing of the souls:part 3

Herdfordshire, England,1893

Mr.Joyce.. No no,How was your tour..

Why?I throw up the last piece of paper out of the window.Frustation and disappointment formed into the structure of small little sweats on my face. I put aside my memior and rested my head on the windowpane.My thoughts are crowded with Mamma’s words of finding a fine suitor for me,it began to darken and its like spilling black inks all over my vision,my dreams.I noticed water residing in the corner my eyes.I didn’t want to cry but my battles sometimes seems to be so long,why can’t be whatever i tend to be.Is there will be any time a women have the voice and courage to determine her own fate.If that time comes in some century,I want to born in that age,not this age.

‘Emma,Are you alright?’my sister julia exclaimed in a tone of worry.

‘Yes,Alright in the most distracted manner’I growled in rage.

”calm down Miss Author,your cheekbones are literally representing our harvested apple,O!what i see there is smoke coming out of your ears.Oh!miss austen control your disapproving manners which seems to melt down your charm and antique self’she said.”Have you heard the news Mr.Alcott coming to Herdfordshire and he would be attending the ball we all are invited in”

Meanwhile,I spread my legs across the bed and closed my eyes,”That’s a fine proposal,If you don’t mind dear i would like to take some rest as my head is aching for quite a long time”

‘Indeed’,She left with her eyes trying to covey the feeling of slight disappointment  and as i have been always  a curious inspector of people’s behaviour, I know she must have expected some attaining remark from me on this matter,But unfortunately my thoughts are crowded with something more dreadful than ever.

Mr.Alcott.what he has been doing after all these years.I gazed at the distant trees of the forest and all my senses are screaming for one question..Did i forgive him?Perhaps some content deserves no explanation for its consequences.I sat infront of the mirror and examined my facial detail’s, Being the not a miraculous paragon of beauty,I am always a rebel,tomboy with two braids hanging from her shoulder,no elegance,A girl like this must be such a trouble to her family.But isn’t it wholely inspiring and at the same time lighten the zeitgeist, the spirit of an individual. 

What tomorrow brings,Ofcourse ball,and Mr.Alcott.Isn’t it incomprehensive offence to a person to attend a ball when she hardly can move her feet to the right rythm?

oh so poor Emma!Even the Dance floor can’t resist you from falling.

“Exsistence is a strange bargain, life owes a little;we owe it everything.True happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose that is only belongs to your authentic self”.I held my memior as sleep slowly took me in its quite heaven…