The girl I’ll never be.

Image source(Pinterest).

Hairs fluttering in the air,when you slowly get up in a beautiful,sunny morning,Or running in a vineyard under the Tuscan sun,or having zero fat in your tummy,we all have imagined some point in our life to become that girl,the girl who is devoid of ‘Ugly’,the girl who smiles all the time,the girl whom everybody adores,without a pimple or blemish on their skin.So,This is a long goodbye to the girl I’ll never be.

We spend our whole lifetime either achieving or escaping to the girl we want to be.’Want’is a dangerous word,we suffer utmost pain in it,or burn in the lust of wanting unattainable things.It is very hard to accept that we have to live with flaws,though they are undoubtedly unique and devastatingly rare,but in my earlier years,the bulling made me hate my tiny flaws,the very thing which my brother appreciated(my flaws).I am not very systematic,neither i like to follow along the roads which presents a vision of undainted life.I dance on the stairs,not very fond of stability.The stability which is in want.I cry too much,the tears have an infinite store in my body.

It is very difficult for a young maiden to live and love her reflection in a world that is addicted to the glowing,spotless,alien skin.I tried to do so many things to change the way I am,to be more ethereal,and an epitome of beauty,but I guess I will still be the girl with an unshaved underarm and legs, but still the girl to embrace pimples claiming them as beauty spots.Eventually,i will never be the girl,who is patient and quiet,I will always stay the one who jumps around the house.

To my rare and amazingly precious girls,Let be the generation to not shy away from our flaws,to laugh even when you have crooked teeth,and a generation which has the ability to empower women by strengthening their own ground.I have read somewhere ‘Don’t try to change the world,this is a world of 8 billion people,And I am bettering it,not changing it.

So,with this note I am saying goodbye to the girl I’ll never be and salute to the girl we all are,Bold and resolute.Let’s be the girl you want yourself to be,be shameless in pursuit of your happiness.


A postcard for my Tigresses..

It’s a beautiful day,to honour and show love to those women who makes our life a little brighter,full of hopes and dreams and always loves us unconditionally.Here is my postcard to the ones who really knows my heart from the inside,My knight in shining armour.

My writings are just a mere passive thing to express the love I have for you,without you I can’t be brave,strong and passionate towards the thing I love.

Maa,for teaching me everything from to do my best to scolding me for right reasons,and always to care for people inspire of their cast,creed and religion,and to be the women I would always look up to in my life.

Boudi,when I first met you,before that I was anxious,but the very moment my eyes met yours,there was a certain affection I saw in those,and I knew that my dada has indeed found a rare gem.You have always treated me like a younger sister,and I wonder how sometimes kismet pushed you to the very best person you could ever get.(You are still the best chef in the world!And your funny voices and antics could feature in a comedy show)

Nisha,that one person you know,you can bare your heart,we are not only sisters,bur best friends forever,however cheesy that sounds T.Thanks for teaching that love for your sister is eternal.The chicken pakora and roaming through the streets talking our heart out.With you,Life seems a tale told by a magician, encrypted with jewels of joy.(The thing is that you are not quite,but a very witty, humorous person)

Pisi,I have never been able to say a proper thank you for always caring me,letting me hug you whenever I feel low,for checking on me,for lessening my loneliness,and for being best chef ever.In one word,I can never day repay you,for you have given me your time,and without limit,decorated my life with love.You will probably never read this article,but whenever you need me,I will always be there,wherever whenever.

Sathi,my immensely talented sister,You are a beautiful damasked rose,Beautiful inside and out.Graceful,intelligent and a thousand endearments will fail to describe you.Thanks for letting me vulnerable in front of you,our selfies,and laughs under the sunshine in the countryside,and night walks on the rural village roads,and gazing at a sky full of stars.I wish I could keep you with me.But Birds are best when they fly in the sky,soaring to the unknown high.

Tumpa di,I have to tell you,my dear readers,my whole family is full of talented people,in one way or another.You have known me since I was an infant,and pretty much know my every uncanny habit,I told you,sisters can read your mind.The lovely times,whether in Zoo or in the paddy fields of nature sprinkled countrysides of Bengal,from the Birthday to puja ‘Bhromon’,These moments would loose it’s charm if you weren’t there.(Thanks for being the beauty expert,you saved half of my life).

My friends,Neha,Ria,Dolon,Sneha,priyanka,Sayani For being just there for me.Even some of you have moved further in life,but a part of my heart will always be in there on the open corridors splashed with beams of sunrays,and the loud classroom of 9-A.

Debadrita,where praises end,you start.An amazing writer, intelligent and a lovely human being.From Lake mall to the roofs on a sunny day,from your birthday madness to trying shorts on dressing rooms,we have lived through all.

Ansuka,Where jungkkok’s heart is,there you begin.From Ac metros to Golpark,Quest Mall to Tandoori house,’One direction’s was the first reason I met you,never thought destiny would lead me to such beautiful memories.Even if we both screwed up,remember that you will always be a sensitive,tender hearted girl to me.

A very special mention to my readers,you girls support me that’s why I am here,Together we can build monuments and make history..

In this International Women’s day,We all stand together,with each other.

Step by step

Summer sky,and a blanket of stars

That’s how our story builds,

Step by step

A splash of water,and a bite of burger,

We are only learning to live

And care a bit.

A drizzle on my way back to home

The air passing through our ears,

My lips curved into a smile

We learned to touch only by hearts

Step by step,

The rush of hearing your voice

On telephone,even only for a fraction

My heart began to build a home full

Of you,your giggles,yawns,and that stare,

I sewed it up all together,with the knot of my love,

Step by step,

We fell in love,akin to the

Plots of a movie

It seems like a fairytale,I watched in awe

As if it is all gonna turn into a blurry fiction one day,

Cause love is infinitely ceaseless,I soaked in it all my life.

I reminicise holding your firm hands,that there is no way I am surviving without this,

But it takes probably one blink,

Step by step,

To fall out of love,

I clutched to that knot,but you already broke that home,

I have only got sepulchre of those moments


Step by step

That will also burn,in the concinnity

Of our contumacious story,

While I will scintillant in my own aura.

My all beloved readers,you are the reason I am capable of experimenting and continue my work in order to surcease above my faults.This post had been in my draft box,for quite a long time,isolated and forgotten.

Tell me what you guys are up to,since I have been leaving in sepulchre.




In the dunnest smoke of hell i am drowning

Each demons pulling me further in the dark imageless night,

Oh God!!Almighty i am not willing to sacrifice my soul

but these voice in my head is embracing with all its valour.

I think that i might be never able to soak my face in the warmest sun in our world

or to bury my distressed heart in the green canvas of the turmoil of the earth.

A sudden splash of sun awoke me again today

from the haunting nightmares that terrifies me.

I see a white feather twisting and floating near my skin

It took me a while to notice that you send me a sign

to give hope to me in the crushing reality,

that loneliness which fritter me into unrecognizable pieces,

you give me hope through this,and the soft zaphyr 

that flutters my eyelash while they pass,

That even if the world within you fell apart,

if you are crying everynight in your pillow

asking god the question that why you have to fight with such prodigious waves,

that there is always a ray of light awaits for you on behind that destructive

with the wish of a new sunrise.

Rewind 2017

This year is a full of happiness,new friendships,cherishing the old friends,,the strong bond of family and the journey to a new facade of me.zi am willing to  to share with my lovely readers some of the precious moments of 2017.Make sure you also do tell me some of your unforgettable memories in 2017.

The people who make my days brighter are my ken family,my cousin’s,they are the reason maybe life seems blessed at times.

The time I went to Scotland,India’s Scotland(A place where I thought of making a farm house in the future)

The time your brother gets married..

The people I always want to hold on till infinity.

The friends who radiates the life through laughter’s

In case,i ever forgot to tell you how much you freaking irritates me,you still are the reason life seems less painful,and full of dramatic consequences.

Sister,best friends,and my best adviser,therapy guru,life would be rhetoric tale if I hadn’t you by my side,and your hilarious suggestions.

How could I forgot the persons behind the screens,my readers,the ones who inspires me to the unbelievable extent,you guys helped me to make me who I am,Your works inspires me,every one of you is a unreplaceable star in the galaxy and in my life.

I wish you all a happy New year.


Mila’s santa.

 Humming sound of the piano today echos a dreary tone,Mila lifts her eye from the piano,her feet approaching the windows,she peeps her hand through the window to touch the snows that were showering through the city of Northfordshire,the touch of the snowflake reminds her of paa whom absence is becoming more prominent with the upcoming christmas.Christmas is time of reunion,of homecoming,but this year while everybody will be making snow castles out of their memory,Mila is left with her scrambled ices.She firmly trusted that despite of the risig rumors this year, santa will bring daddy with him on the christmas.That’s what Mila’s mom told her,it gets gradually hard for her to spend another year wishing that David would be here,but a life of a soldier meant to be sacrificing your joys for the safety of the others.She can convince herself with logic,although she is unable to lie to her 8 years daughter,Mila.

“1..2.3..Hun,Look at the timer and tell mommy when the timer rings,I will go check on poppy,Do not touch anything without Momy’s permission”

Mila plays with the toppings that momma put aside for the finishings later,She has a keen for cooking,and specially baking.She always prefer dessert over main courses,and there are times she was told she was too sweet in her tastes,but as Mila says,the more sweeter,the more merrier.

Mila’s mother receives a letter the other day from David that the conditions in Afganistan had worsened every day,and he won’t be able to make it this year also.She pressed her eyes with her fingers and tested her head over her knees,she knows that she had to be strong,but immediately she shoots a question to God in those rare moments of immense pain of remembering someone,wish god,Santa’s presents would have no age barrier.

“When is paa going to come?You know,we should visit the church first and then to the cake shop and she continue to elaborate all her plan if paa comes this year.

“Paa is not coming”her reply was more cold than the snowflakes that were outside the door and the christmas than erase glooms today only brought darkness in their fate,Mila was unable to attempt an answer.


“A sigh!Tell him we miss him”she let out all this in a rash,as if she was hurrying to finish the sentence.

 Her hands clutched in an attempt to restrict her feelings,she ran back to her room,prayed to the old looking chubby man who is everybody’s special Person,the one who gives us gifts without reason(what can be more lovely than that),and took out the rugged paper under her pillows that she ,with love and hard work,made for paa to give him on Christmas,her wish was only to give him this with a warm hug.

Chilly winds knocking down the window panes all afternoon, in the nights it took a violent aura,covering herself with a blanket,mila,this year didn’t wanted to put socks under her pillow this time,but with mom’s request,she only put a note in the sock…The note says


Mila’s mom came after 12 to put some gifts in the socks for her,but when she slipped her hand inside the sock,the note inside that,stunned her to the utmost.The words made her sob in silence,she looked at her daughter’s face,such a warm heart ,so much compassion of her moved her.She decided that this year santa will reply.She began to write a note for her sitting at her wooden desk,in the stormy,gelid night,she writes:


MY prettiest girl,

It’s your shabby looking old fellow here,The fairies told me that you were missing your paa this christmas,So that I came to you to brighten your day.I got the news from the stars as they blink where you paa is and told me that she misses her mila very much and his earnest wish is that his Mila would engulf in joy and prayers,and surrounded her with only happiness this christmas,so that she could bounce back some to the other side of the globe.Just because he isn’t in your eye view,it doesn’t, mean he is not there,you only have to keep him in your heart,so that the miles between you will faint to see the powers of your love,that can conquer all.

For now,look at the stars and smile so that in every star that reaches paa will be shone with your smile,and through that you will never be apart.

And Bake cake with all your heart and never forgot o put your soul into everything you do.

With love

 Your ever young santa.

The letter melted the strong layers of dullness that were building a home in her heart,she tossed a prayer to santa,thanking him,while mom was the god that were her secret santa,that beaming light that glitters the brightest in christmas and in every facade.

To all the secret Santa’s,for the infinite love that you gave us,thank you for living without credit.

This story is for you.


The rough roads..

Today i am bound to discuss a about a topic which has been in my mind for quite a long time,especially after crossing the age of 16,when most of the people ask me about the stereotypical inquiries about your goal,of what you see yourself in the riddles of time.There are few people i have come across who have their destiny planned and curved out,often i wonder how one can be so sure about the journey they are going to witness along the roadside.We all struggle between our passion which is the manifestation of our deep love for a particular thing,in which we work from our heart and on the other hand  the goal which led to comfort and luxury in your lifetime.To choose the latter is a thing that we all are bound to choose cause comfort lures us,and we are the prisoner of our very own very conscious which threatens us when we cross that limited boundary of our mind and step on the turmoil of the universe which is vast and didactic in its nature.The first way is the path which has storms,hurt,pain and drudgery in the journey,but it will make your soul grow in such a manner that those nimny pimny chaps around you will no longer matter to you.your dream atmosphere will always be lonely,this is universally acknowledged,it fears me also as a human being that the path i wanna choose is on the surface of leaving the familiar faces and that alleys i have known from my infant days,i abhor the dull routine of existence,and to leave that i had to let go of my home,in search of a new home, so whether you are reading this post in your way back to home i hope to enlighten a kindle in the heart of yours of that unforgotten dream you wish to revive.                                                                                                                     Authors note:No,Neha is alive but is quite busy for her brother’s wedding and her extreme laziness,so i apologise to my readers for staying away from my  home,and to you guys.                                                                                                                                                                   With love,Neha.