Tu me manques maa

Dear maa,

Every time when I write you a letter, I am acutely aware that they never reach you, but some things in life we don’t wanna accept. Sometimes I do wonder where you have gone, sometimes I try to look into distant trees or the faraway houses, as far my eyes could reach, hoping that somewhere down the line you might be waiting for my letter, even when the gloomiest of gloomy day hit me,I think of the moments we had with each other, into the unreachable past, veiled in the cloud of years. Years ago, it was a quiet Saturday night like this, your body was wrapped into the wires of machines. I couldn’t look into those pale, white face, and I remember looking at the blank sky above and thinking about how would I tell you to make my favorite dish once you are cured and safely back to my arms. But that day never came. Time may not have mended those agony but I do know maa, how day by day, moment by moment I become you. Fate is an uncanny thing, why does it takes missing to know how much loving we are capable off. Maybe that’s the way of the world, I wish I would have said you aloud of how much you meant to me. I was dumb, stupid and young, maybe still am.

But whatever these years may say, whether it’s 2555 days, I love you as deeply and sincerely and no shackles of time can demolish that love,it can snatch you from me but it cannot and will not ever detach you from me. In every sadness to happiness and those tiny insignificant moments,I remember your laugh and your love and that is what makes me. My whole life is built from you and you are the foundation of my very being.

As the years turn into dusts,I am thankful for the time I have got to spend with you, from our trips to my ceaseless dance program’s to pujo gatherings, I am the luckiest to spend those moments. Maybe after years of blaming, I have found the acceptance to not hold you back anymore.

I don’t want to know where you are, wherever you are I hope that you are away from that sick disease that stripped all the light from your eyes, and I don’t look for stars.I don’t believe you are that far way from me. Whenever I miss you, I look into my heart and there a sun dappled smile I can always hear, who said you have left?

You are my forever sunshine.

With love,

Neha.

20 Comments Add yours

  1. ☺ This recalls me of…. My best friend..I used to ask her to look into her heart whenever she felt her mom is far away.
    The forever sunshine brings you a great future. You’re a blessed child.
    A self healer! You got slefless love!!
    The Love from your mom can be felt at any moment when you look into your heart.
    The tree of life grows with such kind of beautiful love from our beloved mom😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Relax... says:

    Wow . Beautiful.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Bhavya says:

    there is comfort in this letter that you find in good friendships and true love. you have a way with words and I hope that never changes. you’ve found yourself another dedicated fan, Neha.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. neha98blog says:

      Thank you Bhavya.

      Like

  4. kalyansparks says:

    Its one dark void…whenever you feel depressed..you can talk to me….

    Liked by 2 people

  5. UMANG says:

    Just a big huge hug from me. 🌻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. neha98blog says:

      Thank you Umang for your kindness.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. alexraphael says:

    So beautiful, moving and profound

    Liked by 2 people

  7. arv! says:

    Such a deep bond. She’ll always be in your heart and mind

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Full of love, compassion and sorrow, but to have shared such a love is better than to not have. sending a hug your way… your expression from the heart is delightful!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Muntazir says:

    This is so emotional. It brought me to tears in the mid alone. So courageous of you. Really appreciate it. Stay blessed. May Allah bless your mother. Āmīn

    Liked by 2 people

    1. neha98blog says:

      May allah bless you too,Muntazir.

      Like

  10. da-AL says:

    Anyone who is loved by you is truly fortunate, Neha. Love can be so awful — we are so mortal, so human…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. neha98blog says:

      Your words deeply touched me.
      Thank you for being so kind.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Bela Johnson says:

    This is so beautiful. I lost my mother not that long ago, I was in my 60s and I am still. I am only now understanding things about her that I could not see clearly before. I do believe she helps me understand these things because in life, she was unable to express them.

    Lovely tribute to your mother, and I especially like this, “I don’t look for stars. I don’t believe you are that far away from me.” I don’t believe she is either. 🙏🌺💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. neha98blog says:

      I think your mother will be looking over you from the stars.Love and hugs to you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bela Johnson says:

        Thank you for your kind thoughts. 🙏🌺❤️ love and hugs right back to you!

        Liked by 1 person

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