Crashing of the souls:part 3

Herdfordshire, England,1893

Mr.Joyce.. No no,How was your tour..

Why?I throw up the last piece of paper out of the window.Frustation and disappointment formed into the structure of small little sweats on my face. I put aside my memior and rested my head on the windowpane.My thoughts are crowded with Mamma’s words of finding a fine suitor for me,it began to darken and its like spilling black inks all over my vision,my dreams.I noticed water residing in the corner my eyes.I didn’t want to cry but my battles sometimes seems to be so long,why can’t be whatever i tend to be.Is there will be any time a women have the voice and courage to determine her own fate.If that time comes in some century,I want to born in that age,not this age.

‘Emma,Are you alright?’my sister julia exclaimed in a tone of worry.

‘Yes,Alright in the most distracted manner’I growled in rage.

”calm down Miss Author,your cheekbones are literally representing our harvested apple,O!what i see there is smoke coming out of your ears.Oh!miss austen control your disapproving manners which seems to melt down your charm and antique self’she said.”Have you heard the news Mr.Alcott coming to Herdfordshire and he would be attending the ball we all are invited in”

Meanwhile,I spread my legs across the bed and closed my eyes,”That’s a fine proposal,If you don’t mind dear i would like to take some rest as my head is aching for quite a long time”

‘Indeed’,She left with her eyes trying to covey the feeling of slight disappointment  and as i have been always  a curious inspector of people’s behaviour, I know she must have expected some attaining remark from me on this matter,But unfortunately my thoughts are crowded with something more dreadful than ever.

Mr.Alcott.what he has been doing after all these years.I gazed at the distant trees of the forest and all my senses are screaming for one question..Did i forgive him?Perhaps some content deserves no explanation for its consequences.I sat infront of the mirror and examined my facial detail’s, Being the not a miraculous paragon of beauty,I am always a rebel,tomboy with two braids hanging from her shoulder,no elegance,A girl like this must be such a trouble to her family.But isn’t it wholely inspiring and at the same time lighten the zeitgeist, the spirit of an individual. 

What tomorrow brings,Ofcourse ball,and Mr.Alcott.Isn’t it incomprehensive offence to a person to attend a ball when she hardly can move her feet to the right rythm?

oh so poor Emma!Even the Dance floor can’t resist you from falling.

“Exsistence is a strange bargain, life owes a little;we owe it everything.True happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose that is only belongs to your authentic self”.I held my memior as sleep slowly took me in its quite heaven…