My pujo diary 2017

Every year on this particular time of the year every bengali in whatever part of the world bloom with happiness on the eve of Maa Durga’s arrival.Yes,It’s Durga pujo.This year my durga pujo has been filled with so many good times,Choosing one of them to write abput is a task i will happily pass on.I am eager to share the some of the pictures of Durga puja.

Maa

Tomorrow is Dashami/Dashhera,My heart is so heavy and this thing happens every year,After 4 days of innumerable joy,when the moment of goodbye does come,I just want to hold tightly your hands more Maa durga.Whatevet condition whether loneliness,fate,heartbreak you mend all our problems in these 4 days.

We say this every year,

Aasche bochor abar hobe.

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Pimples and Teenage years

[picture credit=yup!That’s little me]

I never discussed my insecurities here,or my fears.However optimistic person i may seem,like everyone else,i do have fears and insecurities. I was a very thin,tall girl with rather normal appearence,since my first menstruation,My body started to change and i often find myself hating myself for being a little chubby,but as Bengali mothers say ‘Healthy holei meyeder sundar lage’,I have really amazing friends and family that never made me learn anything but to love myself.But whenever i saw those young,beautiful girls infront of the magazine,looking like the perfect replica of a how a lady should be,i cringed at my reflection,and then as years passed i slowly but incromentally learned that whenever i gaze closely to mirror,and that pimple is the focus,i try to smile,and laugh,belive me or not,whenever i found judging myself,smiling at my reflection however made me look suave.I love eating food,and i don’t know about all bong girls,but within my knowledge area, Bengali girls live for food,with emphasize on the word ‘food’,we are foodily in love with phucka,biriyani,Momo,Illish maach,Chilli chicken,..i should stop writing the menu card here.So as i was saying,I adore food and it is okay to have a little bit of extra fat there,until you have feets to twirl and run,eat but exercise also.Not everyone in this universe is a copy of another human being,and if that happens the world would be nothing but a walking grave.We can try our hearts out to become the reflection of our favourite celebrity but we can’t.Teenage years has this relatable emotion running through veins,we feel too amazing,too vulnerable,too ugly,too gorgeous,nothing in the world can compete with our changing attitudes.Whatever you do,don’t you dare judge yourself with others,if you find yourself criticising,just dance and sing your heart out,until all those doubts and raised brows are out of your window and far away from your life.

One of the main issues always have been that it is the influence of the atmosphere we grew up in affects our life.We have always seen in bollywood this fair maiden,gorgeous hair,almost like a barbie doll,we wished that someday we would attend the unattainable. In my words,it should be a celebration to live,to have your life nutritioned by memories.I won’t ignore the fact that it takes a great deal to accept our body,it’s imperfections.A body which no male fantasies,a body with fat,a body with scars laid on the skin,a body which is far from expectations.we love imaginary too much to adore the real.

It is not the external world that torments us,but it is sometimes unknowingly the people who is around us.I suppose that it is not anybody’s fault,it just that when we fantasies about shahrukh khan as our soulmate or katrina kaif,we do not realise that being someone’s replica is not rare,what rare is the ability to be uniquely non identical.Identical thing does not strike the world,but the frenzied,Passionate people does.

All the people out there silently scrolling this post and reading it,I want to annouce that there is no deficiency in you from what you should defecate from.You have to relinquish your mind to deplore from thinking that you are not enough.

‘Perfect’ can be juxtaposed with ‘Ugly’,because they are only phrases,which also humans created,It is only up to you not to let yourself confine in this phrases,don’t be a muggins to this.we all have insecurity but i trust my smile more than that.

My readers it would be encouraging and inspiring to hear about your thoughts on this.

The fading moon..

There is a strange anxiety in my heart,that i can’t explain.I began to learn that i am slowly drifting apart from some people. But somehow i am thankful i have been released from that cage,the unnecessary show off.I don’t know my heart is feeling that i am allowing to let that happen.I heard people judging bonds over time.But can’t the shortest friendships live forever.A friend is not someone who likes to make you feel inferior,someone just to have good times with,someone to joke with.You can’t make up to your heart,a ‘friend’ is someone whom i can talk about my happiness,excitement, the hundred nothings,and an arm to let your grief be free.It always appears to me i have opened myself to the wrong people,who never embraced me.But there are also friends whom i should keep,but ignorant i was,i let them go.Years after,I know childhood friends are forever.Thank you Sneha for being my best friend,I lost contact with her,But i will always love you Mrs. kohli.For Dolon,You have a wild spirit,Thank you for coming into my life.Miss you.

My college friends,Debadrita and Ansuka,after a pretty long time i found someone who doesn’t judge on the basis of my grades.I am not aware of the place i occupy in your hearts nor whether i am sure after 10 years we will be roaming through quest mall on a Thrusday noontime eating belgium chocolates ,talking about everything and nothing.I am not scared,i learned to appreciate what i have now,but also to release my hand to the one who wants to walk away.

This is the one kind of releationships we don’t have to force,which i am thankful of.Friendship is a precious gem,it should not be associated with greed,jealousy,gossip.I have a problem with the word ‘Forever’,when we say ‘I love you forever’,We are lying,cause we,human beings woke up every morning changed,situations,hardships,failure pushes us to change.Distance stabs a cruel knife on friendship,how technologically advanced we grew up to be,Mobile screen cannot be an alternative for warm hugs.Things change,when we bid farewell to the dirty fields,Looming Classroom,Caring teachers,we also leave their our one self which is eternally faded.Maybe i have grown up,but i am not ignorant,it’s just when people grow,sometime they grow out of themselves.

It is very hard to reciprocate the thing which we gonna hold onto till death do us apart.Maybe we forgot each other in the sea of crowds that is rushing towards us,New sun is waiting for us in the shore,we have to go.

I would never going to forgot the memories,singing our heart out in the last bench,sharing tiffin,Horror stories on a gloomy rainy days,Dancing on the teacher’s day,Feast in Saraswati puja(and also flaunting our sarees in ‘Valentines day’).I will always remember i made a hell of a memory with you guys.We can’t put a barrier.

So to the fading moon,Even if you are fading into the dark tunnel Which i cannot put my feet on It,You have gained a place in my heart which can never destory.

To the old,thanks for showering endless affection upon me,and to the new and to the future….

Thank you for letting me a part of your journey.

Time fleets

Yesterday you were sitting in the rooftop anguishing,hoping and sketching future life,your board exam,college,first love,eternal friendship,it seems so magical to deem that life,’The escapade to a for ever visionary land’.And when you were passing through the life,it all feels like those rare moments of joy,you earnestly want to capture that moment in your heart and never let it slip. We made so many plans with friends,lovers,families but few saw the light of the day.Promises, pitfalls,dissapointment are an intrinsic branch of human existence. Some of the best moments are not contained in photographs,but in our heart,which our heart replays whenever we are in our solitude,sleep is drowing us into an abyss,clutching the pillow close to our cheast,we dip into a place called ‘Nostalagia ‘.There are persons who are the neighbours of our heart,there are those we lives close in human distance but far away from our reach,we recall them in night,when every reaping sound of humming insects producing the desired paradise for our senses,our consciousness arises.our human heart has hidden treasures,which we keep in secret silence,whose dreams,charms,hope would be broken if revealed.Maybe our life is rushing,so is our youth,age,time ,we look forward to future and aimlessly prepared our heart to be broken by many unattainable fantasy,akin to the roaring waves we try to run away from our past but somehow our heart snatches us and throw us to the wild,fathomless sea of things we cannot reverse or undone,but still our heart wish we could.

In the end,we have what we have and when we have.

The nature is everywhere

[Picture credit=Pinterest]

Can we not gather lilies from the sunlit zeal of the Almighty?

Keats once said ‘the poetry of earth is never dead’

we should live by this as if

From every passing dead autumn leaves

We should brush our hands through them

And feel the rusticity of that caramel leaves

Slowly slipping in the wintery torpor,

Sitting beside a lamp on a soundless frigid night

In this cold nature,Try to feel what others decipher,

Beauty in even among the most rhetoric dark lights

Promise,if you look,with a full of heart to discover

in the numb snowfalls of a silent whispering atmosphere

You may see,how they intermingle akin to the fingers of the lovers

Each flake side by side,but never together, 

I opened my eyes once again

The repeaing sound of the humming birds

Created an Earthly eden,

I took closer step, the bursting slow golden

glitters coloured my face as i open the windowpanes

I ran through the stairs

To meet my lover,long lost lover

The spring,with its beamy radiance

Standing and gazing with a hearty detail

His presence once again made life indescribably alive,

Summer is approaching the regions of air,

I am awfully in surprise what it gonna bring

Whatever it may paint with its unique colours

I know each had a colour which can make us feel ‘Divine’

As if we have lived through incessant lives

Isn’t it?


‘En-courage’

“That was a gloomy day,She walked through the mud-cluttered roads,with a book in her hand,she brushed her fingertips through the ancient tales,the kings & kingdoms,their chivalry,virtue,moral courage.Her feets were dirty, her nails were digged in dirty waters as she examined each book with consummate curiosity,like a wizard,the books were the wands to her,opening a new world.

As she reached home,there was an angry glaze starring at her,she clutched the book tightly,as the voice inquired her about where she was.She cannot utter the word that she was reading,her father doesn’t think there is any need of studying for a girl child.She lied to him,that it was her friend’s book which she forgot in their house.

She wanted to enlighten herself with education,so whenever everyone in the house slept,she awaked,in the dim light of the candle,she read.On saying she is going for to play with her friends,she went to school.Though her life was not a bed of roses,but she always adored  damask’d roses,she wanted to bloom gracefully and to linger the sweet scent of her goodness in the upper regions of the air.One day,her father caught her,he beated her,her mother snatched her from her father,With wet eyes she begged to him to give the allowance for her daughter to read.One slap,was the answer and when he proceed to beat her once again,she gripped his hand.Thus,she left the house with her daughter,left her husband.She had nothing,still she never show that to het daughter,worked tirelessly,lived in a small congusted house,despite of all these sufferings,she knew she had a vision to educate her daughter,and not to make her a dash in the word,but to be a worthy women.

Ladies and Gentleman,May i introduce solemnly to my Mother,she shed numerous tears and her each thought is the brick of my foundation.More than me,this award dedicated to you Maa”

The world saw a renowed scientist,handing the award to a simple dressed lady,today no body questioned her about her surname,or why she always bring Dry Rotis to her tiffin,or why she spent her birthday not in a fancy resturant,but eating the payes het mom made for her,or where her father has gone.when the whole auditorium clapped for her,the mother-daughter is looking to each othr with unspokable emotions floating in their eyes.

And the daughter hugged her Maa and said,

“Thank you maa,If any god or angels did exist in this world,all are but an incarnation of your mortal being”

Many people assume that supporting female equality is to hold a banner against the othet sex,there are mens who support us as well as there are womens who also opposes us.Not all mens are well as for all women’s are same.It may be a hard question,that to whom to trust,only trust and have faith in that little voice inside you,that know your worth than any mouth or eyes that only know thousand words to speak but nothing to say.

Crashing of the souls: part 6

Charlotte Austen,Paris

Tring….tring..tring…tringggggg

There is a very strange sound blasting my ears,and I am shook by that.My hands roam through the blanket,and anon i opened my eyes,I looked over my surroundings,the room is much small,very congusted i may say but there is a big white window at the north corner of it,I became aware of the fact that i am not wearing my dress,what i am wearing is much shorter pants,my whole appreance is so vulgar.Taking refined steps to the mirror,I cried with astonishment,

Who am i?This is not me,Julia…Julia..i gathered every strenght in my voice and called julia,Mamma,and papa,but what i next saw was enough to faint me,This room is so small to live,and i,rushed out of the room and there are plenty rooms in this buliding,I used the stairs and reached the street,this must be a city.Something is bothering me,This is another world,and people here is so strange,In their apperance and conversations. I asked a stranger on where was i?,he seem to stare at my face for some quite a long time,

“Paris”He stated simply.

“You are lying.How can i be in France,while i am in Herdfordshire with my family.”I ran my hands through the tangles of my hair, or should i say someone else’s hair.

“I guess Ma’Am you are still in hangover,Anyway,Sil vous plait”replied the stranger and soon was out of my sight.

“Aaratika,Aaratika” and i heard a women calling me but by a very weird name i never heard.

The women wearing a red trench coat and a pastle coloured hat,crossed the street and came closer to me.

“I have been calling you from last night you jerk!where were you?Aren’t you supposed be in Rohania cafe and don’ t tell me you threw your phone after your nasty breakup?”The lady shoot unnumbered questions to me.

“calling,how i am supposed to heard you when you are in your home?and most importantly what respect i am inclined to you,My dear”I shudder vibrantly as I said.

“My dear,My dear..you should consult a Therapist,honey, You are in the verge of going mad out of breakup,people go through breakup every single day,but they survive”she hold my shoulders and riot a comfoting glance towards me,”Aaratika,Forgot him,who in the world hates pizza,and kfc chicken?you aren’t in a need of a man who make thousand excuses even going out for one date,you need someone who you don’t have to beg to?

“You are a respectable lady,please help me,I am not the women who are you speaking of?This is like a Erebus,this place, like my conscious had been playing simpleton games to me,I am Charlotte Austen,I am from the landed gentry of Herdfordshire “It made me pant with tears while i was confessing my slipshod situations to this fine but very weird gentlewoman.

She stared at me with astonishing eyes,her ocular globe seems to be eager to detach from her face.she gulped and said,”You are not a person who is very fond of mockery?

I came close anon to the lady and firmly gripped her hand and said “you are my last hope,and for one moment listen to me”

“Hmm…Let’s go upstairs”,she held my hand and took me the apartment.

We sat on the comfortable furnishings, the room is inferior to my home,but still it gives an air of  familiar atmosphere .

“It all began when i awoke from my bed,I was in some kind of unknown territory, I was lying in a glass shed surrounded by glass walls,I felt numb,devoid of any emotion,then i saw a man approaching in my direction,he was a man in his early 30’s,he wore a white coat,and there were some followers of him,circulating around him.

He said “Charlotte Austen!I ardently wish that you had a good nap,You have woken into a new era of technology and science,far from the mundane and slow country life of Herdfordshire,Everyone  know about your past,present and future,for people you have been dead for centuries,but me,Dr.willam,will prove to the world what can i do and the whole universe will kneel down on my very feet”,there was a vanity and irrevocable pride is all i can see instead of a human being with flesh and blood,an unnoticable smile riots through his face, he switched some rounded thing and the whole glass surface began to vanish and meanwhile i was standing infront of Dr.william.

“I can’t reckon your if i have come across you?”,His brows twinched and he took forward step towards me,his hand gently rubbing his cheek,and he answered,”Honey,because i am born in 1980’s not 1798,and my sole mission to brought here is to to write in praise of my victory and i want to get inside of that mind which created histories and made people fell in love with you,though you were my obsession on my teen,and then i got over of your shit stories very quickly but even i can’t deny you are the women novelist,who is capable of writing great epics dedicated to me”

“These things are so confusing to me,and what the year you mentioned,1980,It is impenetrable, you must in be a frenzied state of mind to talk about such unnecessary things.I wish to go to my home.Gentleman,I am going to shout very fiercly if you do not take me to my home.”I pant in anguish that made my voice deeper than it ought to be.

I heard a very unsatisfactory sound of laugh,he clapped his hand and said “Do i like a fotune teller or jesus to fulfill every goddamm wishes you imply to me.you are in place of Aaratika Roy,in the year 2017,in paris,bear it,gulp it,it is your reality except it or it will barely take one second to kill you with the poison i have invented last year,the elements i have used though are illegal but when things are made to bulid for human to reach higher level,it is worth everything”

There is no fear,no kindness,no vice,no goodness in his eyes,only the pride and intrigue is all i can see.

He started at my eyes,His lips are still but his eyes burning with fury.He touched one curls of my lock of hair and said.

“You are beautiful but too sentimental,too emotional,no mortal mens could persuade to your virtue,”He continued to speak”Rather than me”and he turned his head slowly and his boots making rarely any sounds,were soon his presence was out of sight.

And then i am here.

While i was confessing my situation,the lady reflected the image of a rock,not even one time her eyes were in looking to another object.Her hands twisting the end knot of her hair.when i finished,i saw her lips to part as if to inhale some regions of air,then her ocular globes began to vibrate with fresh tears,and it occur to me like she is gathering power to speak one syallable.

Then she spoke,her hands still wet from the effort of not showing her pain,”where is Aaratika?, and then despite of all brevity, her tears is visible to me.

“I think she is in Herdfordshire, England in the year 1798″As i said that,suddenly i began to feel frozen,my heart and my senses has gone to a land i don’t have any idea of.In this unknown territory,i suudenly statred to miss papa,mama,my sister, those sunlit Herdfordshire summers,and the crystalline snows on the christmas eve,sunlit echoing green fields,My compainions,The swing on the back of my house,Mr…..

Why do we miss things when we have no grip upon them?.My all eatrhly relationships seemed like sand in my hand,it fell too fast from my possesions.